we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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