Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
