so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
