I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
