Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize