I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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