The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
