she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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