she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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