States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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