You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
