Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize