I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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