So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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