i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize