I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
