He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
