I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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