Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I intend to get homeless drunk
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize