she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
