I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
