I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
