I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
