Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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