so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Randomize
