sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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