Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
my poor anus
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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