They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
