Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
