the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I supernannyed him into submission
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize