I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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