What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize