I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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