Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
