But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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