Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
