I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
