STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
