So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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