Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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