I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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