4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
