he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
