he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
