We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
