I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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