the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
