Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
