My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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