im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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