You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
