i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
