she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
