I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
