I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
