Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize