I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She bit a glass in half.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
