Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
