I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How naked do you want me to be?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
