You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
