I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
