A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
