$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize