I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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