You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
