I cut my penus on the lid.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
