Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
