Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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