Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
