So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
