I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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