You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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