Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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