I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
