i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
