i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
