This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
