thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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