She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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