He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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