I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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