my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My dick has a subreddit
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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