your thong is hanging out like whoa
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
