you're like a bully in the Christmas story
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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