I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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