Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
