Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
